Without You

There was a knocking sound. It was soft, but it was loud enough to be there. Where it was coming from Ichigo didn't know. He rolled over – ensnaring himself deeper in his blankets. He felt so comfortable on his little mattress. It had been a long time since he had felt that comfortable. He buried himself deeper under the covers, finding peace at last. Then, the knock came again. It was louder and more urgent. Ichigo tossed again in his bed, and slinked even further down. All that was visible was the top of his spiky orange mop. The knock came for a third time – much heavier.

"Look, Yuzu, just open the stupid thing!" Karin's voice sighed.

"But Onichan might still be sleeping!" whined Yuzu's voice.

"So? Just open the door."

Ichigo shifted slightly.   'Why are Yuzu and Karin in my dream?'

A door slammed open, followed by thudding footsteps. The footsteps stopped right next to the bed. Then, Ichigo felt something hard slam against him...and he bolted awake. He was covered in ice cold sweat and was breathing like he had ran a mile. Karin was standing right next to his bed, her arms folded and her usual expression upon her face.

"Karin! You hurt him!" cried out Yuzu.

'So...I wasn't dreaming after all...'   Ichigo laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. "No no, it's okay. I'm fine."

"Yeah, Yuzu. Ichi-nii is fine. He's tougher than you think." snorted Karin. "Hey listen, your little friends are downstairs waiting for you."

Ichigo blinked in confusion. "Huh?"

Karin rolled her eyes. "Aw geez. It's going to be one of those days, isn't it?" She cupped her hands around her mouth and proceeded to say very loudly and very slowly, "You're friends are here! They're waiting for you in the kitchen! Yuzu and I can keep them company while you get ready! Okay?"

Ichigo leaned away from his little sister and rubbed his ear. "Yeah. I got it. Thanks. Did you have to be so loud?"

Karin shrugged. She then left the room, Yuzu following close behind. Ichigo yawned and stretched. He glanced out the window to see the sun was high in the sky. Thinking nothing of it, he got out of bed. Like every day when he woke, he picked up his watch to see the date and time.

'It's noon already? How did I sleep in so late?'   His eyes fell upon the date...and his face fell.   'It's been exactly one month to the day...feels like it's been longer...'   He looked up at his window – his expression that of expecting something. Or, in his case, someone.   'Rukia...why haven't you dropped by? You can't be that busy...can you?'

Ichigo's hand shook as he thought of her – of Rukia. He slammed his watch down onto the desk. A mixture of anger and betrayal coursed through his body. Why hadn't she stopped by at least once for a simple hello? She could wear a gigai! Did she forget about him, now that he was useless? Ichigo sighed and titled his head back. He knew it wasn't her fault. Rukia had responsibilities. Why should she take time away from those responsibilities just to tell him hi? He became very depressed as he thought about that, and decided he shouldn't keep his friends waiting.




"About time! What took you so long?!" squawked Keigo right as Ichigo had made his entrance into the kitchen. "And what are you wearing?!" he added as Ichigo went to the fridge and took out the milk carton.

"Clothes, Keigo. I'm wearing clothes." Ichigo sighed in annoyance before taking a swig from the carton of milk.

Mizuiro looked up from his phone. He stared at Ichigo with an eyebrow raised. "I'm gonna have to agree with Keigo on this one. What you're wearing looks pretty grungy."

Ichigo looked at his friends with aggravation. Sure, his pants were tattered and torn with giant holes in the knees, and his shirt was black with the sleeves torn off and one or two small bleach stains – but since when did his friends become experts at fashion?! Ichigo rolled his eyes and took another swig of milk.

"Onichan!" Yuzu screeched. "I told you to stop doing that!" She stomped over to her elder brother and swiped the carton away from him. "Get a cup if you want milk! Ooh!" She shoved the carton back into the fridge and slammed the door shut. She started jabbing Ichigo in the chest. "I'm so sick of you doing that! You've been doing it for a month now! Knock it off!"

The little girl stormed off – grumbling about how inconsiderate her big brother had become as of late. Keigo and Mizuiro glanced over at Ichigo with worry. Ichigo sighed and leaned against the fridge. He shoved his hands into his pockets and sniffed. His friends looked at each other, each wanting to say something but too afraid to speak. Ichigo noticed this and became agitated.

"If you have something to say – say it." he snapped.

Keigo and Mizuiro flinched. They looked at Ichigo again, each very concerned. Mizuiro cleared his throat.

"Dude...are you okay?" he asked.

Ichigo's face scrunched up, then relaxed. "Why do you ask?"

"Well..."

"You've just been a real downer lately!" Keigo whined. "You're always so grumpy!"

"So? What's your point?" Ichigo questioned lowly.

"You're not fun to be around! Always moping! Always staring off into space! It's been like this since Rukia left!"

Muzuiro quickly glanced down at his phone, his face pale. Ichigo glared at Keigo and clenched his jaw tightly. Realizing what he said, Keigo gasped and covered his mouth. The subject of Rukia had become taboo as of late. Every time her name was mentioned, Ichigo either became angry or depressed. There were a few occasions where Ichigo would just ignore the fact that her name had been said and went about his business. Ichigo inhaled deeply, then he exhaled.

"Let's go." he said quietly, pushing himself off the fridge. "Inoue expects us at her apartment."

He left the kitchen and headed to the front door. He didn't want to talk. He rather go over to Orihime's for the movie day she invited everyone to...and forget the sinking feeling in his chest. He heard his friends catch up to him. They tried to act natural, but Ichigo could tell they were relieved that he didn't get angry at them. The trio threw on their shoes and headed out to Orihime's.

The walk was quiet. No one dared to speak. They reached Orihime's apartment complex and Ichigo led the way to her door. He knocked on the door, his mood slowly becoming light. Orihime opened the door with a large smile.

"Yay! You're here!" she cheered. She grabbed Ichigo's hand and tugged. "Come in!"

Ichigo tripped inside, barely being able to catch himself before he face planted it. Keigo and Mizuiro snickered. Orihime let go of Ichigo once all three of them were fully in the house, and she hurriedly shut the door.

"Pick a beanbag!" Orihime said cheerfully.

She pointed at a row of giant beanbags near her brand new TV – the reason she called them over in the first place. Already three beanbags had been taken up by Tatsuki, Uryu, and Chad. Mizuiro calmly walked over and plopped down on the beanbag next to Chad, playing on his cell the entire time.  Keigo did his normal annoying laugh and dive bombed into the beanbag next to Tatsuki. Ichigo, not really wanting to sit down, strolled over to the biggest beanbag there was and sat down.

"Hey...Orihime...you're one beanbag short." Tatsuki pointed out.

"Huh? Oh! Guess I do." giggled Orihime.

"We can share this one." Ichigo offered.

"Huh?!" Orihime's face went pink. "No no! That's alright! I can sit on the floor!"

"This is your place. You should have a beanbag. I don't mind sharing this one. It's big enough to fit us both. Or I can sit on the floor. It's up to you."

"O-okay!" Orihime quickly sat down next to Ichigo in the beanbag, her face bright red. She looked nervous. Then, she quickly stood up. "Oh! I almost forgot the snacks!" She looked at Ichigo. "Could you help me get them, Kurosaki-kun?"

"Sure." Ichigo stood up. "Lead the way."

Orihime took him into her kitchen. She explained to him where everything was and he could do whatever he wanted to with the popcorn. Ichigo figured that he would make the caramel popcorn Yuzu had just taught him to make. While he was cooking the kernels and caramel on the stove, Orihime was rushing around gathering her store bought snacks. The entire time their friends gave them looks that clearly said they thought they were cute working in the kitchen together. Orihime placed all the store bought goodies in front of the beanbags so they could be in reach of everyone. Ichigo finished the popcorn and poured it into a very large bowel. As he was coming back with the final snack, Orihime was struggling to get the TV on.

"Ooh! It won't turn on!" she whined.

"Are the batteries in the remote dead?" Tatsuki asked.

"No. I just got new batteries today."

"Is the TV connected properly?" Uryu questioned, pushing up his glasses.

"Ohhh...I don't know..."

"Here." Ichigo said as he set down the popcorn bowel. "Lemme go check it out."

"Really?! Thank you so much, Kurosaki-kun!"

Ichigo shrugged. It was nothing really. Just something else to distract himself. He got behind the TV and immediately saw the problem. Not all the cords were connected. Some of them were even in the wrong spots. He sighed and got farther behind the TV. He fiddled with all the wiring like it was nothing. Once he thought he was done, he scooted out from behind the TV and sat up.

"Check and see if it works now." he said.

Orihime pushed the button on her remote. The TV flashed on.

"Wow! Where did you learn how to do that?!" Keigo exclaimed.

"Ichigo's always been good with stuff like that." Chad mumbled.

"Would've been nice to know that! I would've asked you to come over to fix my laptop!"

"I'm not good at THOSE kinds of problems, Keigo." sighed Ichigo as he plopped back down in the beanbag.

"Thank you so much, Kurosaki-kun! Now we can watch movies!" Orihime chirped.

"Hooray." grumbled Tatsuki.

Orihime quickly shoved a DVD into the DVD player, and plopped down next to Ichigo in the beanbag. He ignored her. In fact – he was spacing out. He didn't even notice that the movie had come on or the fact that Orihime was snuggled up next to him. When he finally blinked, the world came back to him. He felt Orihime next to him, but didn't do anything. He didn't care. He slumped farther down into the beanbag and stared blankly at the TV, watching the movie with no sounds entering his ears for a short time.



Ichigo laid in bed – unable to sleep. He didn't know if it was from all the sugar he had at Orihime's, or if it was because of the hurting within his heart. He stared at the ceiling, allowing his mind to wander. His eyes closed within minutes. But he wasn't asleep. He was more in a trance. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he bolted up in his bed. His breathing was shaky and he was drenched in sweat.

'What...what was that? It was almost like...someone touched my face...'   He sighed and chuckled.   'It's nothing. I'm just imagining things.'

He laid back down. He tried to get comfortable again, but found that he couldn't. No matter what he did...he was restless. Frustrated, he threw his pillow on the other side of his bed and slammed his head down on it. The moonlight poured onto his face. Ichigo stared at it – becoming relaxed. The moon was beautiful and full. For some reason, it brought a sense of comfort to him. He closed his eyes again, thinking suddenly about a line from a song that screamed out to him from one of the movies watched at Orihime's.

"The moon glows...the river flows..." Ichigo whispered. His eyes opened, tears ready to fall out. "But I die without you..."




"You need your hair cut!" complained Yuzu.

Ichigo sighed and rolled his eyes. "No I don't."

"A trim at least!"

"Just drop it, Yuzu."

"Come on, Onichan! It's a mop!"

"I'm going to be late for school. See you later."

Ichigo flung his school bag over his shoulder and left his sister to scream at him as he went out the door. He did admit that his hair become a little long and a little unsightly at times...but he couldn't care less. So what if he had a mullet now? This wouldn't be the first time. It was just...for some odd reason, he didn't want to bother with it. He didn't want to trim it, cut it – nothing. Why bother? What reason did he have to do anything with himself? What did it matter anymore?

Four months had gone by since he had lost his powers. Ichigo had found himself submerged deeply in a depression he couldn't shake. He could fake a smile, fake that he was alright. On the inside however...he was quite dead. His heart was an empty hole. For four months he waited. For four months he stared out the window at the ever glowing moon. For four months he had sat on his floor in front of his little closet. Four months had passed by like it was nothing. The world moved on – Ichigo remained still. No one had come. Rukia hadn't come. The world moved forward in a blink of an eye. Ichigo remained in slow motion within a fast moving world.

"Hey! Ichigo!"

Ichigo came to a stop. He turned around to see Tatsuki running up to him. Like a robot, he lifted his arm and waved. He even managed a weak smile. It would have been better if he wasn't so tired. Tatsuki caught up to him and spat out some of her hair. Like his, it was getting longer.

"So I heard you quit the dojo. That true?" she asked, motioning him to keep walking towards the school.

"Yeah..." Ichigo said. "I just wasn't interested anymore."

"Uh-huh. I see." She inhaled and sighed. "It wasn't distracting you good enough so you quit."

"Don't see where you got that idea from."

"You think none of us have noticed, don't you?"

Ichigo gave her an innocent look with his wearied eyes. "Noticed what?"

Tatsuki shook her head. "Nevermind. Forget it."

Ichigo shrugged. He kept walking with his childhood friend...a thought echoing in his mind.   'So...I'm that noticeable, huh?'

The rest of the morning went as normal. Once in the halls of the school, Tatsuki ditched Ichigo for Orihime. Keigo came charging at him and got clothes lined. Mizuiro greeted him with eyes glued to that little cellphone. They went to class. Same old thing. Same old day. Same old everything...for four months.

Ichigo laid his head down on his desk, ignoring his teacher. He didn't care to hear anything. His mind was focused on one thing...and one thing only.

'The cherry blossoms are in bloom. I think the festival's sometime this week. Ah. Rukia would've loved that...'   He shifted in his seat and dug his nails into his arms.   'Rukia...where are you? Are you even okay? Why haven't you stopped by at least once? There's no way you can be so busy to just come by and say you're alright. Why are you ignoring us? Ignoring me? This isn't like you...is the Soul Society making you do this? Why would they do that? And why aren't you fighting them back? Rukia...I'm so confused...what's going on in your head? What are you thinking? What are you doing? Do you even miss it here? Miss me...'

"Kurosaki...you can nap when you get home. Right now I'd appreciate it if you at least pretended to care about your studies."

Ichigo lifted his head. He was in a light daze, but he knew that all eyes were on him. He sat up and rubbed his face. He apologized and actually paid attention, though it was by force. He felt the eyes of his friends on his back and tried to ignore it. They knew alright. They knew something was wrong with him. He was sure that they probably thought he was upset over losing his powers. Upset that he couldn't protect people like he used to. That was only half of it. None of them could've guessed that he was upset about Rukia pretty much vanishing into thin air from their lives. Nor would they understand. They could still see spirits. They didn't know the feeling of watching the very person that changed everything fade before their eyes. If she ever came...they could still see her. Ichigo on the other hand...was forever cursed to be blind.




Ten months had come and gone like the seasons. Some things were left unchanged. Ichigo was still depressed, but he had a much better hold on it. No one suspected something was wrong with him anymore. He behaved more normally. He even had his hair cut back down to its normal spiky due. That lasted for only two months. He grew it back out again and kept it in a more manageable state so no one bothered him, thinking it was just some experimenting phase. He still laid on the side of the bed that allowed him to look at the moon. It was the only way he ever got to sleep anymore. And he still sat in front of his closet some nights – expecting a petite Shinigami to poke her head out and scold him for something stupid he did. Although he waited patiently...Rukia never came. He wanted to still believe in her...in all of his Shinigami friends. He refused to believe that he had been abandoned because he had become of no use to anyone.

"I'm going out. I'll be back later." Ichigo announced, already halfway to the door.

"Ooh! Where ya going?" Isshin asked excitedly, leaping from the couch and racing to catch up to his son.

"A walk. Thought I could use some fresh air."

"May I come?"

"Hell no."

"Awwww! Why?!"

"I want to be alone."

"You ALWAYS want to be alone! Why won't you talk to your old man about these things?!"

"Because you act like a total idiot." answered Karin bluntly.

Isshin began to boob and moan and cry his crocodile tears. He clung to the poster of Masaki and sobbed his complaints to it. Ichigo rolled his eyes, hurrying out the door as fast as he could before Isshin noticed.

'Ah. It's cold out here. Good thing I'm wearing a sweater, I guess. Finally got something right for a change.'

Ichigo walked around the familiar layout of the town he had been in since birth. Even in the dead of night – he knew where he was and where every road led. He just walked absent mindly, not caring where he ended up. Whenever he had the free time he would go on walks like this. Whatever got him away from staring at his empty closet. He let his feet drag him wherever they wanted to go – not paying attention to his location. His mind was blank. His chest aching.

'Never thought this would hurt so much...maybe I'm just getting overly sensitive...'

He closed his eyes and shoved his hands in his pockets. The breeze felt great against his skin. His body relaxed. Everything felt so right at that moment. It was a nice change of pace after everything seemed to silently break apart around him. Suddenly, something ice cold brushed against his cheek. They felt like fingers.

Ichigo's body halted and his eyes snapped open. He frantically searched his surroundings without leaving his location to see where the perpetrator of the icy coldness was. There was no one. There was nothing. There was no reason for the chilly finger-like sensation that touched his cheek. He was alone. All alone. Ichigo's heart sank. He had hoped that maybe, just maybe, that person he wanted to see the most had shown up. Once again, he had been let down by his own selfish needs.

'Hey...how did I get here?'

After the disappointment died down for a moment, Ichigo realized where his feet had dragged him this time. He was in the cemetery. Not only that...he was directly in front of his mother's grave. He could've sworn that a minute ago that he wasn't anywhere near this place. Then again, time always escaped through his fingertips these days.

'Might as well stay a while.'

Ichigo sat down on the ground, his feet suddenly sore. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. He sat there for a while, staring at his mother's grave. It felt weird being there on any other day besides June seventeenth. It was even more weird to be there at night alone without his family. But it couldn't hurt to just sit there and rant a little...could it?

Ichigo sighed and tried to figure out exactly what he wanted to say. He never had said anything before at her grave directed to her. Not since the year after she died. For some reason...he felt awkward with the idea of talking to his dead mom. Well...to her gravestone. He knew Karin did it every year they came, but she always did it in her head so no one would make fun of her or have a chance to interrupt her. He was alone. He could talk out load to himself without fear of someone thinking he was crazy. Then again, he was used to people thinking he was odd for talking to himself. Ichigo took a deep breath, and began to speak.

"Hey Mom...long time no see. Things are going good. Dad's annoying as hell...like always. Yuzu's doing good in school and her cooking's getting better. Karin's still same old Karin. And me...well..." He sighed. "To tell you the truth...I'm not doing so good. Wish I could say I was but..." Ichigo allowed a hollowed chuckle and a weak smile to escape. "I never was good at lying to you. You always saw right through me..." He sighed again. "I wish you were here, Mom. I don't feel comfortable talking to Dad about these sort of things. He'll only blow them out of proportion like he always does. Makes a big fuss when he doesn't need to. Wish you were here. I need your advice. I need it so bad right now..."

Crickets began chirping. They spooked Ichigo for a second, but it didn't take him long to calm back down. Sadly, something else got him worked up. The aching pain in his chest tightened – it was a vice grip that had no end in sight. All the bottled up anger, frustration, confusion, sadness...they poured out of him. Tears flowed down Ichigo's cheeks easily.

"I'm so lost Mom..." he admitted sobbingly. "I...I don't know what to do." He gripped his chest and shook feverishly. "It hurts...it hurts and I don't know why! I don't know if it's because I'm angry at them...or if I'm confused...or...argh! I don't know anymore! I know I'm useless now...I know I'm powerless...but couldn't they at least stop by to say hi? See if we're all still alive? I don't get it...I thought they were my friends! I thought Rukia was..." Ichigo let out a hoarse laugh. "Rukia...I thought she cared...guess I was only fooling myself. Maybe now, because I can't do anything anymore...I'm not worth her time...it makes sense...but..." Again, he let out a hoarse laugh. "Ah. Look at me. I'm pathetic, aren't I? Instead of doing something...I'm feeling sorry for myself. But...I don't even know where to begin to start getting my powers back...." He brushed back his hair and chuckled. "I really am pathetic..."

A drop fell onto his hand. Ichigo glanced up at the sky – the rain pouring down upon him. For once, he was happy for it. The rain hid his tears, reflected his pain. He rose to his feet, embracing this weather he despised for once in his life. He began to laugh and brushed back his hair. He didn't understand what he was doing...but why should he care? He didn't understand a lot that was going on with him. But he knew one thing...he wanted to scream. So he screamed. He screamed and screamed till he felt satisfied. Then, he felt the need to do something else. There was more he needed to release. He couldn't bottle it up anymore. If he did...he would only destroy himself.

"Rukia! Where the hell are you?! Am I not worth anything anymore?! Aren't we friends?! Don't you even give a damn?!" Ichigo dropped to his knees. His chest was stinging now more than ever. He held onto it tightly, shaking like a leaf. "It's you...isn't it? You're the reason why it hurts. Not Renji...not Byakuya...not Toshirou...it's you." He laughed weakly. "Guess I always knew. I just didn't want to admit it. But I knew...I always knew..."

He laid down on the ground, still holding his chest. He stared at his mother's grave with dead eyes. He didn't blink, he didn't move – just stared. Then, a listless smirk formed on his lips.

"How does Dad live without you, Mom? I don't get it. I just don't get it. Did he learn to live without you over the years? Did he learn to not be surprised when you weren't laying beside him, or making breakfast?" He blinked. "I don't get it. Do you, Mom? Do you get it?" He smiled lightly and blinked again. "Or maybe he isn't living without you. Maybe he wakes up depressed...but puts on a smile for the rest of us." His smile faded. His face scrunched up in sorrow. "But I can't live without her...it's eating me up on the inside...I...I think I love her, Mom. I think I'm in love with Rukia. Makes sense, I guess. But...we can never be...she's a Shinigami and I'm human...well...half human anyways..."

"What has that got to do with anything?"

Ichigo gasped and sat up quickly. Isshin was standing right behind him under an umbrella. The old Shinigami had a stern look upon his face.

"D-Dad?" stuttered Ichigo, eyes wide.

"So what if she's a Shinigami and you're human? Didn't stop your mother and I." Isshin said lowly.

"How...how long have you been here?"

"Long enough." Isshin held out another umbrella towards his son. "Here. You'll catch a cold."

Ichigo stared at the umbrella like it was a disease. After much hesitation, he got to his feet and took the umbrella. "Thanks..."

"Don't mention it." The old Shinigami started to walk off. "Walk with me."

Seeing no other choice at the moment, Ichigo followed his father. They were silent for while. Then, Isshin heaved a sigh.

"You know...you should talk to me about things like this. I might be able to help." he told his son, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Ichigo bowed his head in shame. "Sorry..."

"It's alright. I figured that you had to be depressed about something or another. Just never figured it would be because you had feelings for Rukia."

"Well...I don't know if I have feelings for her or not..."

"Come on, Ichigo. Give it up. You sit in front of your closet for hours – sometimes all night. You were touchy the first two months after she left whenever her name was mentioned. And let's not forget the fact that you mumble her name in your sleep almost every night."

"I do?"

"Yeah. I've caught you doing that a lot."

"Oh..."

"Listen...Ichigo...it's alright. You can tell me what's going on. I promise I won't make a big deal out of it."

Ichigo stopped walking. Isshin stopped along with him. He stared at his son, who was trembling uncontrollably. Isshin knew his son was hurting, he just didn't know how bad it was. Cautiously, he approached his son. He touched his son's shoulder...and then his child broke into a million pieces. Ichigo dropped to his knees, losing his umbrella upon impact, and appeared to be clawing at his eyes. He heaved out the sobs he had kept within him for so long. He couldn't take it anymore. It was driving him to the brink of insanity! Isshin kneeled down in front of his child, shielding them both from the rain. He touched Ichigo's shoulder again with much understanding...or at least an attempt to understand fully. Ichigo continued to sob. His entire body seemed to go into a fit. He lurched over and let out an agonized scream.

"Ichigo..." Isshin said softly.

"I love her, Dad! I love her so much!" Ichigo lowered his hands to his chest and gripped hit tightly. "It hurts...it hurts so bad! Sometimes I even wonder if I have anything in there anymore! And sometimes I can't breathe!" He looked up at his father with a face torn from so much pain, so much hiding. "Why can't I just not feel?! Why do I have to hold on to her?! She's not coming back! She's abandoned me!" He bowed his head. "They all have..." He chuckled lightly and bowed till his forehead nearly touched the gravel. "I've never felt so alone before...I hate it. I hate them. I hate her..."

"No you don't, Ichigo. You don't hate any of them. Most of all Rukia."

Ichigo threw his head back up, his expression full of frustration and anger. "But I want to! If it would make the pain go away..."

"It won't. Trust me...hating someone doesn't make all the hurt and suffering go away. It worsens it. Especially if you really don't hate them."

"I see..." Ichigo bowed his head once again. "I guess I can't win..."

Isshin stared at his son sadly. He then sighed and placed his thumb under Ichigo's chin. He lifted the teen's head up and smiled at him gently. "Ichigo...look at you. I've never seen you show so much emotion since you were a small child. You've made yourself cold so that no one can take advantage of you. But you are so kind and caring...I hated seeing you act like you never cared. I'm actually glad to see you like this. It shows that you really aren't as strong as you thought." Isshin playfully ruffled his son's hair. "Everyone had weaknesses. Everyone has breaking points. No one, no matter what they say, can bottle up all their emotions forever. So let it all go. Let me be a witness to it. You aren't alone Ichigo unless you isolate yourself from everyone. And Rukia? Well...she might eventually come back, or she might not. Regardless, if you love her...hold on to that love. If it's the only thing that keeps you going...never let it go. And, maybe, one day, if she ever comes back...you can hold her in your arms with joy...knowing that you never let go, and never gave up on that one shred of happiness you had."

Ichigo sat there, shell shocked by his father's words. Then, his face scrunched up and he buried his face in Isshin's shoulder. Like he was advised – Ichigo let it all out. He cried and went into convulsions on and off. Isshin did what any father should do. He rubbed Ichigo's back gently and repeated over and over again that everything was going to be alright. Even if neither of them knew if things would ever get better...it was the only hope that was left. And Ichigo clung to that hope desperately.




Rukia shifted in her sleep. The sun was in her eyes and it was bothering her. Finally, after trying to find a way to sleep with the light and failing miserably, she gave up. She sat up in the bed and stretched. She stared out the window with a sigh. It was a beautiful day. But couldn't it have let her sleep a little while longer?

'Oh well. No use in complaining.'

She stretched again and let out a happy sigh. Rukia glanced down at the bed and smiled. Ichigo was so cute when he slept. He always was buried far into the blankets, his spiky hair usually the only thing visible. Today however, from his neck up was in plain sight. He slept soundlessly and peacefully.

'I still can't believe that for seventeen months that he didn't sleep like this...'

Rukia had been told all the stories everyone had about how Ichigo behaved for the seventeen months she was away. Most of them sounded too absurd to believe. But then she caught him one day staring at the closet with sad eyes. She had been sleeping in the closet again for a few days so she could catch up with all her friends in this world and to see if Ichigo could get back into the flow of being a Shinigami again, and she had gotten up before he had to go to the bathroom. When she came back into the room, she saw him sitting on his bed just staring at the little closet like he had been only dreaming and no one really had been in there. Rukia approached him slowly, unsure of what to do. It was then that Ichigo noticed her. His eyes lit up and a light smile touched his lips. Of course he quickly returned back to the same old Ichigo she had left behind – acting like nothing had happened. But it was too late for him to pretend. Rukia knew that the stories she had been told were true.

A few weeks after that moment, Rukia dropped by to accept Orihime's sleepover request under orders of her captain who thought she shouldn't hide herself from her other friends again. Ichigo had come over to teach them how to make the caramel popcorn Orihime raved on and on about. And when Orihime had left the room for a minute or so, Rukia found herself suddenly in the arms of Ichigo – getting smothered in kisses and words of admiration. Rukia couldn't hold back her own emotions anymore. She returned his kisses and expressed her love for him as well. After that day, it was no secret that Rukia and Ichigo were together. Rukia even was granted permission by Byakuya to visit Ichigo whenever she wanted to...as long as she didn't shirk away from her lieutenant duties. Everyone approved of her new relationship with Ichigo full heartily. Some even teased that it was about time they got together.

Rukia smiled at the love of her life as he slept. She gently stroked back some strands of orange hair away from his face. Ichigo shifted and groaned. Then, his eyes fluttered open. He stared up at Rukia. Rukia found herself blushing as she stared deeply into those amber eyes that looked more like a brilliant shade of topaz from the way the sun hit them. A soft smile crept up his lips. He reached up to Rukia, and ran his fingers through her raven hair.

"Good morning." he whispered tenderly.

Rukia blushed harder, but she managed to smile back. "Good morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. Did you?"

"Yeah."

Ichigo sat up in his bed. He leaned in closer to Rukia and rested his head on her shoulder. Rukia's heart raced at an unhealthy speed. It always did that when he got close to her. It had only be a few weeks since they began dating, but she was still nervous. This type of relationship with her best friend was so strange and foreign to her...but it made her incredibly happy. He lifted the weight she carried off her shoulders. And, in return, she did all she could to mend the deep scarring he himself had.

The orange haired Shinigami leaned away from Rukia, but still remained close to her. He poured his eyes into hers. A sigh escaped him, then a light chuckle. He stroked her cheek with gentle fingers. Rukia closed her eyes. She loved his touch, though it made her nervous. She dipped her head down into his entire hand and opened her eyes. Ichigo was watching her with a knee melting smile.

'This side of him is so cute...but I have to keep that to myself. He would only get upset if I told him he was cute. He's manly – not cute.'   She laughed lightly at that thought.   'Oh, men...so sensitive.'

"What's so funny?" Ichigo inquire innocently.

"Ah. Nothing." Rukia answered with a chuckle. "Should we see if breakfast is ready?"

Ichigo shook his head. "I kinda want to have some alone time with you before you have to go back to the Soul Society."

'Ah. That's right...I have to go back today to train the new Squad members.'

"Do you have to go?"

Rukia was taken aback by the question. Then again, Ichigo always asked her that whenever she had to leave. "Yes. I have to train the new members of my Squad. It's my job."

Ichigo's face fell. "Right."

This was a normal routine. It was tiring, but Rukia knew she had to be patient. She knew of his fear of waking and she wouldn't be there beside him. It was part of his scars. Rukia cupped his face in her hands and kissed his nose. Ichigo's nose wrinkled from the kiss – just like it always did. She giggled a little, then she sighed.

"I'll try to come back later today, okay?" she said softly. "But if I can't...I'll call you. And we can stay up all night talking to each other until we grow tired."

"I never grow tired of talking to you." Ichigo admitted quietly.

"Physically tired, silly."

Ichigo snickered. "I know what you meant. I was just teasing you."

"Oh? Were you now? Why do you always have to do that?"

"It's out of love."

"Oh, I'm sure it is."

"It is."

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"I'm serious. It is." A sly smirk appeared across Ichigo's lips. "Just like this..."

Ichigo threw Rukia onto the mattress. She screamed, then laughed hysterically as Ichigo started tickling her. She tried to fight back, but he was good at deflecting her. He had plenty of practice with his sisters – he had a strong advantage. Rukia squealed and kicked and slapped, but her boyfriend was relentless. He tickled her till her face went bright red. Then, he stopped and laid next to her...laughing about just as hard. They eventually calmed down and gazed into each others eyes. Rukia smiled at him, while he grinned like a goofball at her.

'This...this feels so right. How did I live before all of this? Maybe I didn't. Maybe I told myself I was living...when really I was empty.'   Rukia reached out to Ichigo. She placed her hand on his cheek. "I love you."

Ichigo softened his gaze. "I know you do." He inched closer to her. "I love you also."

Rukia chuckled. "I know. I know."

Ichigo took Rukia in his arms and held her close. She could hear his heart beating. It was a steady beat, though she knew he was worked up from both the tickling session and from holding her. Rukia closed her eyes and cuddled even closer to him like a toddler would. She felt him chuckle and she smiled. He had grown so much. He was always a man to her...but he was even more so now. He had matured, though still impulsive. He wasn't afraid of his reputation getting ruined whenever someone from his school saw them together. To hell with his reputation! Rukia was so much more deeply treasured than that little insignificant opinion of people was.

"Rukia..." came Ichigo's voice calmly.

"Hmm?" answered Rukia.

"How about we go to the carnival tomorrow? It's the last day it's in town."

"Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"We can go after school."

"What about work?"

"My boss will understand."

"And the soccer club?"

"They're used to me ditching."

Rukia exhaled through her nose. "I suppose we could go. It does sound fun."

Ichigo sat up, letting go of Rukia. He was beaming brightly. He also appeared excited. "Perfect! You won't regret it Rukia!"

Rukia rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Do I ever regret anything we do?"

Ichigo laughed and nervously scratched the back of his head. Rukia again rolled her eyes. Seeing him so relaxed was still a little weird, but she figured that she'd get used to it. Ichigo hopped off the bed and quickly grabbed Rukia's hands. Like an overly excited child on Christmas trying to get their parents out of bed, Ichigo tried tugging her out of his bed.

"What are you so excited about?" Rukia asked with a laugh.

"I smell waffles downstairs! I'm hungry! Aren't you?" he said eagerly.

"Alright, alright. Calm down. I'm getting out of bed."

But as soon as her feet touched that floor, Ichigo continued to tug her. He tugged her all the way into the kitchen – a big, goofy grin on his face. Rukia couldn't help but to giggle at him. He was just too cute!

'I think I can get used to this. No. I WILL get used to this. Because I foresee this or something similar to it being our morning everyday...from now till forever...'